Generation X or Generation Depressed? R.I.P. 1976-2017 

I turned 40 last year. To be honest it didn’t phase me. At least not on my actual birthday… but as my 40th year has progressed it has proven to be quite a landmark year. I’ve noticed lots of people my age died. Some of natural causes but lots more of suicide. Some famous, some not so famous. I’d rather not mention specific names in respect for their families. They’ve had enough pain. 

In watching the news and social media I have seen an uptick of suicide. In fact, if you look at the chart below you can see Gen X’ers line is steadily rising.

I’m the guy in orange. You see that sharp straight line up? That’s scary. 
You know what else is scary. A good percentage of my friends are depressed. And I’m not part of some sub-genre clique of people. My friends and I are average people. The whole deal: jobs, pets, family, hobbies, parties, the “American Dreamers”, artists, musicians, business owners, travelers, friends from other countries. We all share 2 things in common. We’re all the same generation and we’re fucking miserable. We joke about it on social media. Memes are shared. But the fact is I know few people who are content.

I recently posted for the first time something about my struggle with depression. I kind of used it as a borameter to see how people would react. I’m not known socially to be “depressed”. But the fact is, I’ve lost years in bed struggling with trying to get at least one thing done. 
Feeling like Dexter and going through the motions of what is “normal”. Forcing myself to be social because I know if you isolate yourself you’re basically halfway in the grave. 

The response I received to what I thought was going to be a post that was going to go under the radar was overwhelming. People posted and messaged me with their struggles as well. Most of it was, “me too”. 

What is really surprising is these poor souls who have committed suicide had everything to live for. Good support systems, good families, a solid social life, decent careers, children who looked up to them, money, a home, love in their lives, food to fill their bellies, warm clean beds to sleep in at night, they were talented and beloved. So why are we so unhappy?

Without being a sociologist or scientistist, I can only pose theories.

1. Our parents were taught everything wrong and now we know it. Thus breaking down the very foundations of our youth. (Seatbelts, carcinogens, diet, medicine). We’re fucking confused.

2. Our parents were told pills fix everything, in turn, we were fed pills. I think these pills have fucked us up. In my observations many of the suicides were of people on meds, felt good, got off, and it backfired. You know that leaflet that says,”may increase thoughts of suicide”. It’s real. Our brain chemistry is fucked up.

3. We’re now old enough for our children and other generations to expect us to know everything and help fix the world. The problem is we’re so fucked up, we can’t focus on a cause and come together. Thus feeling helpless and most of all USELESS and WORTHLESS.

This is where I think suicide comes in. The thoughts of feeling you can’t do more to change your circumstances. Helplessness. The world would be a better place without me. You have no value.

Unfortunately, it’s not. Our generation doesn’t give itself enough credit. We used the Dewey decimal system, atlases, telephones in home, got up to change the channel on a black and white tv. We didn’t use seatbelts or helmets. We’re clever, smart, and should be survivors.

At 40, our parents had homes and families and cars already for almost 20 years. At 40 now I just barely bought my first home. I did move out at 17, but the pressure to be what our parents were is high. And also something that isn’t really modern any more. But us 40 yr olds haven’t gotten that yet. We beat ourselves up for still not having a career, not being “successful”, growing up that 40 was ” over the hill”. For not being a “role model”.

I think the most tragic part of these suicides is literally hours before, these people spent time with friends/family or performed music right before they did it. No indication that they felt like the “loneliest person in a crowded room” (I’m there often), or that that person put on their happy Dexter mask as they mingled, wondering how does everyone else function so easily? 

And I’m telling you, amount my age group (kids who grew up in the 80s and 90s) this is how they’re feeling. Openly sharing it.

This post isn’t to provide solutions, because if I had one I, too, wouldn’t suffer. This post is to bring awareness that something is amiss in our generation. 

I think most of us 40 somethings today look at every end of the day as:

 If you are struggling. Don’t be afraid to reach out. It seems like many of us are in it together. Many blessings.

Remind Me to Not Die: Media DRAGS Erin Moran Entire Day Before Releasing Real Cause of Death

I’ve always understood that you do not speak ill of the dead because they have no way to defend themselves. Apparently the media could give a fuck about that. It’s just a race to get the gossip out and clicks in instead of releasing factual information in a respectable manner.

Over the weekend Erin Moran died. Beloved character, “Joanie” of Happy Days. I was born in the 70’s and grew up watching her. I have lovely memories of her and her show. As I’ve grown into an adult I have seen her not do as well as some of her cast mates. That doesn’t mean her value as a person is not the same.

The poor woman dies. The next day the VERY sources that leave statements of her dying of stage 4 throat cancer, had just hours and minutes earlier DRAGGED her reputation through the mud. Saying the most deplorable things about her state of mind, her choice in spouse, and where she lived and even referenced embarrassing videos of her. Facts or not, we are all human and do not deserve for people to spit on our reputations after we die.

TMZ and especially People Magazine (I realize they are not really “valid” news sources). But these are what people paying attention to. Instead of bringing to light who Erin was as a person, they said the most disgusting truths about her. I am not going to repeat the facts because these slimey sites already did. I refuse to state it.

It’s a sad statement of our society and as people as a whole. No one even cared how. They only wanted to share dirt on a person who was struggling. The worst part, is even before death, Moran lost the ability to talk for herself. The cancer took away her ability to speak.

In the meantime the likes of Trumpster, Scott Baio, and “6 Childhood Actors” stated the most atrocious allusions to her well-being and mental state, when they really just wanted to capitalize on her being in the spotlight one last time and steal some of her remaining thunder. Fuck all the “Chachi’s” out there. Ironically, when I was little, my dad used to refer to little asshole, boys as “Chachi”. How fitting.

Real friends would have known about the cancer. These people who insisted that they “tried to help her” would have stated something about it and stuck up for her. BUT NO ONE did until the end of the day. I barely know my backyard neighbor and know more about her than these people claimed to state. Disgusting.

I’m not appalled or offended. I’m disappointed.  At this point, it looks like when I die, I won’t be remembered for anything but being a skinny bitch with a big mouth.

I know this blog comes across as me being a being jerk, but if you read it carefully, you will understand I am pointing out what fucking assholes people are and that we could do things better and be better people if we just think for a second, and treat each other with a little dignity and look at ourselves with a little sense of humor.

RIP Erin Moran, you deserved better.

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One of My Worst Fears Occured When I Met One of My Idols Last Night

This particular entry may be different that my others ones. Supplies! No politics! But you might think it’s funny if you get through the entire thing. (This might be my longest blog ever since it’s personal, but I think hilarious bc I’m such an idiot).

I once read that Dale Carengie made it a point to remember everyone’s names and address people by them.

Using a person’s name is crucial, especially when meeting those we don’t see very often. Respect and acceptance stem from simple acts such as remembering a person’s name and using it whenever appropriate.”

I completely agree. It shows people the utmost respect when you know someone by name.  I admit I’m awful at it, but I try. One of my biggest obstacles is that I DJ and most of my friends I see in the dark (bc we’re at bars or late night events). I cannot see SHIT in the dark, never could. And ever since I had lasik several years ago, my night vision is even worse. It’s crazy. LED lights refract in my eyes all weird. I cannot even look at or read blue or purple lights. 2602983-2618344959-wonder

This, in turn, has resulted in me practically dissing almost everyone I walk past while I’m at an event because I just cannot make out people’s faces. It’s a confusing carnival ride of blurred faces that all kind of look like my friends, but who fucking knows. Which kicks in my social anxiety and I just shut down and roam around till I find someone I fucking recognize or am lucky enough for someone to save me and say Hi first.

Which leads me to my story of how I totally humiliated myself the other night while meeting one of my favorite DJ’s in my life.

Remember Napster? And Limewire. I totally downloaded anything I could find back then. It was magic. I was born in the mid 70’s. The whole MP3 thing revolutionized how us GenXers hear the world. I was just a wee junglist in my younger 20’s when I came across this mix by a guy named DJ Odi. Never heard of him. Didn’t know who the fuck he was, but I dl’ed this FIRE mixtape of his entitled “dj odi-the jeep tape-1994”. It’s a straight up mixtape, mixed with no edits and recorded on cassette. The quality is HORRIBLE but the track selection just really hit me in my sweet spot. It’s one of my top 5 mixes I own to this day, but I cannot listen to it on the system in my whip. I need a mastered version.

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I find out DJ Odi is DJing in my hometown and I am one of the DJ’s opening for him that night. I cannot describe the excitement I felt. I am not a fanboi usually, and am not a fan of “celebretay”. I don’t want your fucking autograph or a picture. What I wanted was to A. tell dude his mix was a game changer for me and B. Ask for a mastered copy.

The night of the performance the bar is dark as fuck as usual. With strobes and shit. We record our mixes on livestream (My performance.) We’re called Proper Drum and Bass Chicago) if you’re curious. Inside the DJ booth is a plethora of LED lights lighting up the booth so we show up on video. They completely disorient me. By the time I was done with my set I was practically blind. I made my way to the bar to someone I could recognize (thank you Robin) and told her about my desire to find the DJ, and hoping to give my eyes some time to adjust while we bullshitted. That didn’t happen.

I then walk up to another friend I recognize who is talking to her friend. I can only recognize her because of her hair (it’s curly). I literally walk up to them and sing “Blinded by the Light” by Manfred Mann and THE DJ I AM LOOKING FOR asks if I am singing the original by Springstein or by Mann. I can barely see who is saying this and mumble some shit then tell my friend I am gonna go fangirl out on this DJ and walk in the complete opposite direction to some random stranger (leaving her confused unbeknownst to me).

I walk up to “Jimmy” the graph artist and take his hand, shake it with BOTH my hands and proceed to state “Hi, I’m the DJ that just opened for you and I just want you to know that I am a really big fan but I have this really weird question I have to ask you,” (verbatim) and I proceed to talk about this mix I need a copy of until this gentleman kindly stops me in my tracks and tells me he’s “Jimmy” and walks me back over to my curly haired girlfriend and her friend.

I am an idiot. This is everything I have always worried about for years. I know it’s not the end of the world to walk up to random strangers and talk to them. But, I had avoided it for years by just acting stupid and wandering around until I finally want and need to talk to someone I recognize. Not today.  I totally fucked it up. 5bfWe had a good laugh and I talked to DJ Odi and he knew exactly what mix it was talking about. BTW he does NOT have a master bc it was on cassette and originally it was “for my homie going to Northwestern for his jeep on the way to school from Ohio”. Apparently a girlfriend copied the tape, make copies and it ended up as a poor quality mp3 online on the mid 90’s.

20 years later that mix is still one of my favorites and I am so glad to have such a crazy story to now go along with it.

And now you know, if I don’t say Hi to you, it’s not bc I’m some bitch, it’s bc I can’t fucking see.

JC Penney Doesn’t Give a Fuck About You

Nor do do most retailers. If you haven’t guessed it already, I scour the internet for odd stories and happenings and came across an(other) issue that truly disgusts me. The bottom line. Yes, lots of shit pisses me off. It’s because no one does the right thing! Why is it that is seems everyone just can’t be helpful and cognizant of their own brothers and sisters. I admit, I’m not always nice, but the truth is, I consider myself a huge humanitarian….it’s just people piss me off and I then curse them under my breath. I’m very conflicted.

So WTF am I bitching about. I came across this post on FB from JC Penney.

How could I NOT go in to see what kinds of comments people would make. Human nature fascinates me. As does obesity. I swear I was not going to troll or talk shit. I just wanted to see what people were saying. And it seemed pretty safe. Either JCP was administering the site properly and deleting trollish comments or (I just don’t believe this one) people really weren’t coming in to chime in with fat jokes. It was kind of nice for once. I even noticed JCP was answering each comment. I thought “Wow! That’s pretty cool”.

And then I got to this post by a customer.

JCP response:

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You fucking assholes! This poor girl just posted online how her life basically sucks and that the JCP even contributed to that by laying her off and they offer her deals to buy more crap.

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If this isn’t irony. I realized the girl is very gracious and seems to not hold a grudge against the company. But I sure as fuck do. I’m not even sure why I do care, I guess because it’s such an asshole move. I see it all too often.

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So, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with this world. Are robots answering these questions or do people give so little shits about each other that they can’t step back for a moment and say, I see someone who needs help, let’s see what I can do.

Let’s change this.

Now I’m Not Trying To Be Rude

 

Now, I’m not trying to be rude but….Have you seen the products marketed to women lately? I’ve come across some interesting products and thought I’d share them with you.

Apparently, fake camel toe underwear is a trend. You can look yourself, I am choosing not to post camel toes on my page. (haha Remember when the Camel Toads story came out. you’re an old school message board user if you remember that story.) Anyway. It’s mostly some kind of Asian fetish. I don’t know about you, but the camel toe is the first thing I look for when putting on a pair of pants, legging, etc. cuz I’m trying to hide it, not show it off.fb_img_1490187963434.jpg

I guess you can call this the “Ladies Edition” of residual poo. I guess it stems from the ridiculousness of the current presidency. We have a room full of men dictating women’s rights,

…..and the president’s daughter acting as first lady even though she has 3x as many children as Melania, with one of them just turning one.

That’s right! While the the doting mother of Baron stays home in New York costing taxpayers a fortune, Trump’s daughter is leaving 3 small children to be cared for by a nanny, one an infant. What in the fuck is that? This is not a knock against working mothers, this is me calling out Melania’s bullshit excuse for staying home for the kid. He’s not a small child.

So we got this unpaid volunteer working in the whitehouse gaining access to anyone she wants to profit her family. Anyone who thinks this family has the interest of anyone but themselves in mind is not in their right mind. I’m surprised it has gotten this far. Because Ivanka is not collecting salary, she is getting around legal technicalities regarding nepotism. This is what happens when we have a poor education system and generations addicted to television.

Speaking of twats. Check this shit out! It’s a speaker that you put inside your vagina when you are pregnant so the baby can hear the music clearly. “By placing a speaker inside the vagina, we overcome the barrier formed by the abdominal wall and the baby can hear sounds with almost as much intensity and clarity as when emitted,” the site continues.

  1. This is positively disgusting and you are just asking for a bacterial infection.
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  3. It has been proven in many studies that developing fetuses need no stress or noise while in utero. Putting music up your hoo-ha could actually disrupt neural development. Think about it, you’re developing and you hear some fucking noise when you’re just trying to sleep and grow. Sounds annoying as fuck to me. Don’t be fooled by the nonsense of more neurons created during music. It’s just to sell you shit, like vagina speakers and fake FUPAs.

 

Leaving you on a positive note. I hope you take the time to appreciate this video, because we all want to be hip hop as fuck. Are you hip hop AF

Mean Girls Gone Wild

Just when we thought nothing could top Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer…..

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 Rosie posts this…..

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Rosie has taken internet trolling to a whole other level. And if I am looking at this photograph correctly, that looks like is actually her hair. Rosie? Did you cut your hair for this part. Because if so, I BOW to the QUEEN of all trolls. And yes, I say it like it’s a good thing. If you haven’t internet trolled, then you’re doing the internet wrong.

There are talks that Trump is more upset that Spicer was depicted by a woman more so than the jokes themselves. I find this believable. I don’t even think Bannon will care so much. But Trump is going to hate this shit. So let’s get back to how bad-ass women are lately. We are attacking on all fronts.

The Women’s March.womens-march-feature

Elizabeth Warren 2012 Massachusetts Democratic Endorsing Convention

#Grabyourwallet Info regarding Grab Your Wallet here.

But my most favorite, is the trolling. giphy

How do I stay a feminist, demanding equal rights and say this….the sexes are still very different. Equality does not mean you have to be the same person, it just means your VALUE as a person is the same. So let me get this out.

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Mean Girls is a movie for a reason. Girls are fucking MEAN. We do not play. Men will kick each other’s ass, have pissing contests, but most of the time, one will be declared a winner and they’ll share a proverbial beer. Women, when we get mad, we get personal. And we don’t forget. And we’ll dig till you declare us winner and sometimes, that’s not enough. Once again Forbes agrees with me and provides some evidence in this article.

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Estrogen. It’s a hell of a drug. You know, that whole “mama lion” term comes from somewhere. It’s because women lions are fucking vicious, they’re the ones that get the food and will take you down to the death. Trump has pissed off so many women and I think we have finally hit him where he hurts the most. His ego. He cannot buy love. This guy clearly has a inferiority complex, just look at the shapes and concepts of his buildings….and actions. He is a very insecure, lonely man and these comedians are pouncing on him publically. Notice how quiet he is suddenly. He’s never been bullied by women like this and he doesn’t know what to do. The emotional abuse is going to kill him.

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I once got in a fight with a Mobster. Yes, like a real one. He’s currently in jail and in the papers. (I’m so edgy). I didn’t know it at the time!  He was a landlord of mine and he kept our deposit. As I was yelling at him, I called him “chicken-legged”. Something inside me knew it would hurt him. The look on his face looked like I had clocked him. It was great and worth the $750. My point is, words hit harder than fists. That’s why bullying is such a big deal these days.

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Best of luck to him (not really). He’s going to fucking need it. Anyone wanna take bets over who’s going to have a nervous breakdown first? Trump or Spicer?

Just in….Christine Baranski 

is offering to play Betsy DeVose 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I can’t.

Grab ‘Em By the Pocket!

Apparently another march is being organized entitled a “A Day Without Women”. Its premise is to skip work and show how important we are. I think this is a horrible idea as a mother of a child who was in the NICU, PLEASE DO NOT ABANDON YOUR POSTS! Do not punish everyone for a minority, that’s not what we’re about. Teachers! Doctors! Lawyers! Day Care! LIQUOR STORE OWNERS! We need you.

And assuming many women can’t afford to split from work for a day. It is too much to ask for in these judgemental times. Huff Post link to article regarding March.

What I think is hell of a great idea is a Day Without Women Spending  a GOD-DAMNED DIME!

Most women have all the power in their households. Sorry if that offends you. If you have been reading my blog then you have seen a trend of me stating over and over that all power is in the mighty dollar. (Ignore spiritual shit, that shit isn’t going to get us Equal rights and access to safe Healthcare.) We are the ones that spend the money, whether we work or not.

I’m sure there is a percentage of you that have SAHD and the moms go to work (I’d assume most of those families are libs anyway and would be for women’s rights anyway so you’re included in this power). But in general. Women do most of the spending. Don’t believe me?

Forbes agrees with me.  I highly encourage you to read this article and remind yourself of how powerful you really are. I’ll go over it quick for you:

  • “Women drive 70-80% of all consumer purchasing”
  • Multiplier effect – we not only purchase for ourselves but are usually purchasing for others.
  • Gender “is the most powerful determinant of how we see the world and everything in it”
  • Doesn’t matter who makes the money, what matters is who’s spending it. TAKE NOTE.
  • Women also make up a huge portion of the labor force.
  • Women are taking control of their reproductive rights, thus in turn, gives us power to spend money elsewhere.
  • Women around the world are more similar than different
  • Women tend to have higher service expectations with regard to customer service.

Everything is run by money. I constantly emphasize being a smart consumer, research your product. Research who you are purchasing from. Btw here is link to all Trump affiliated brands that I mentioned in a previous post.

No one is perfect and we can’t “boycott” everything. But by doing your research, buying smarter, money will be passed around to the right pots. Trends will be noted. Do you know what Analytics is? Ever wonder why when you go on Amazon and look for an item, you suddenly see ads for that item all over favorite sites? Companies invest a lot of their resources in studying what you want. So if you are smart about you want, you can drive the market.
Sounds complicated because it takes work. Happy fulfilled lives take effort. You will feel good about what you are doing, have better products, and change the world.

Remember, princess Melania could give two shits, she’s already wasting tons of taxpayer money on top of her stay in NY. She already refuses to do her job, but she’s not gonna get “fired”. As a result of Melania’s laziness and not-give-a-fuckedness, tours of the White House have been suspended.

I’m going to try to go back to being funny again. It’s been tough. Thank god for Melissa McCarthy and Spicer and SNL.