Generation X or Generation Depressed? R.I.P. 1976-2017 

I turned 40 last year. To be honest it didn’t phase me. At least not on my actual birthday… but as my 40th year has progressed it has proven to be quite a landmark year. I’ve noticed lots of people my age died. Some of natural causes but lots more of suicide. Some famous, some not so famous. I’d rather not mention specific names in respect for their families. They’ve had enough pain. 

In watching the news and social media I have seen an uptick of suicide. In fact, if you look at the chart below you can see Gen X’ers line is steadily rising.

I’m the guy in orange. You see that sharp straight line up? That’s scary. 
You know what else is scary. A good percentage of my friends are depressed. And I’m not part of some sub-genre clique of people. My friends and I are average people. The whole deal: jobs, pets, family, hobbies, parties, the “American Dreamers”, artists, musicians, business owners, travelers, friends from other countries. We all share 2 things in common. We’re all the same generation and we’re fucking miserable. We joke about it on social media. Memes are shared. But the fact is I know few people who are content.

I recently posted for the first time something about my struggle with depression. I kind of used it as a borameter to see how people would react. I’m not known socially to be “depressed”. But the fact is, I’ve lost years in bed struggling with trying to get at least one thing done. 
Feeling like Dexter and going through the motions of what is “normal”. Forcing myself to be social because I know if you isolate yourself you’re basically halfway in the grave. 

The response I received to what I thought was going to be a post that was going to go under the radar was overwhelming. People posted and messaged me with their struggles as well. Most of it was, “me too”. 

What is really surprising is these poor souls who have committed suicide had everything to live for. Good support systems, good families, a solid social life, decent careers, children who looked up to them, money, a home, love in their lives, food to fill their bellies, warm clean beds to sleep in at night, they were talented and beloved. So why are we so unhappy?

Without being a sociologist or scientistist, I can only pose theories.

1. Our parents were taught everything wrong and now we know it. Thus breaking down the very foundations of our youth. (Seatbelts, carcinogens, diet, medicine). We’re fucking confused.

2. Our parents were told pills fix everything, in turn, we were fed pills. I think these pills have fucked us up. In my observations many of the suicides were of people on meds, felt good, got off, and it backfired. You know that leaflet that says,”may increase thoughts of suicide”. It’s real. Our brain chemistry is fucked up.

3. We’re now old enough for our children and other generations to expect us to know everything and help fix the world. The problem is we’re so fucked up, we can’t focus on a cause and come together. Thus feeling helpless and most of all USELESS and WORTHLESS.

This is where I think suicide comes in. The thoughts of feeling you can’t do more to change your circumstances. Helplessness. The world would be a better place without me. You have no value.

Unfortunately, it’s not. Our generation doesn’t give itself enough credit. We used the Dewey decimal system, atlases, telephones in home, got up to change the channel on a black and white tv. We didn’t use seatbelts or helmets. We’re clever, smart, and should be survivors.

At 40, our parents had homes and families and cars already for almost 20 years. At 40 now I just barely bought my first home. I did move out at 17, but the pressure to be what our parents were is high. And also something that isn’t really modern any more. But us 40 yr olds haven’t gotten that yet. We beat ourselves up for still not having a career, not being “successful”, growing up that 40 was ” over the hill”. For not being a “role model”.

I think the most tragic part of these suicides is literally hours before, these people spent time with friends/family or performed music right before they did it. No indication that they felt like the “loneliest person in a crowded room” (I’m there often), or that that person put on their happy Dexter mask as they mingled, wondering how does everyone else function so easily? 

And I’m telling you, amount my age group (kids who grew up in the 80s and 90s) this is how they’re feeling. Openly sharing it.

This post isn’t to provide solutions, because if I had one I, too, wouldn’t suffer. This post is to bring awareness that something is amiss in our generation. 

I think most of us 40 somethings today look at every end of the day as:

 If you are struggling. Don’t be afraid to reach out. It seems like many of us are in it together. Many blessings.

Advertisements

One of My Worst Fears Occured When I Met One of My Idols Last Night

This particular entry may be different that my others ones. Supplies! No politics! But you might think it’s funny if you get through the entire thing. (This might be my longest blog ever since it’s personal, but I think hilarious bc I’m such an idiot).

I once read that Dale Carengie made it a point to remember everyone’s names and address people by them.

Using a person’s name is crucial, especially when meeting those we don’t see very often. Respect and acceptance stem from simple acts such as remembering a person’s name and using it whenever appropriate.”

I completely agree. It shows people the utmost respect when you know someone by name.  I admit I’m awful at it, but I try. One of my biggest obstacles is that I DJ and most of my friends I see in the dark (bc we’re at bars or late night events). I cannot see SHIT in the dark, never could. And ever since I had lasik several years ago, my night vision is even worse. It’s crazy. LED lights refract in my eyes all weird. I cannot even look at or read blue or purple lights. 2602983-2618344959-wonder

This, in turn, has resulted in me practically dissing almost everyone I walk past while I’m at an event because I just cannot make out people’s faces. It’s a confusing carnival ride of blurred faces that all kind of look like my friends, but who fucking knows. Which kicks in my social anxiety and I just shut down and roam around till I find someone I fucking recognize or am lucky enough for someone to save me and say Hi first.

Which leads me to my story of how I totally humiliated myself the other night while meeting one of my favorite DJ’s in my life.

Remember Napster? And Limewire. I totally downloaded anything I could find back then. It was magic. I was born in the mid 70’s. The whole MP3 thing revolutionized how us GenXers hear the world. I was just a wee junglist in my younger 20’s when I came across this mix by a guy named DJ Odi. Never heard of him. Didn’t know who the fuck he was, but I dl’ed this FIRE mixtape of his entitled “dj odi-the jeep tape-1994”. It’s a straight up mixtape, mixed with no edits and recorded on cassette. The quality is HORRIBLE but the track selection just really hit me in my sweet spot. It’s one of my top 5 mixes I own to this day, but I cannot listen to it on the system in my whip. I need a mastered version.

FB_IMG_1490399411448

I find out DJ Odi is DJing in my hometown and I am one of the DJ’s opening for him that night. I cannot describe the excitement I felt. I am not a fanboi usually, and am not a fan of “celebretay”. I don’t want your fucking autograph or a picture. What I wanted was to A. tell dude his mix was a game changer for me and B. Ask for a mastered copy.

The night of the performance the bar is dark as fuck as usual. With strobes and shit. We record our mixes on livestream (My performance.) We’re called Proper Drum and Bass Chicago) if you’re curious. Inside the DJ booth is a plethora of LED lights lighting up the booth so we show up on video. They completely disorient me. By the time I was done with my set I was practically blind. I made my way to the bar to someone I could recognize (thank you Robin) and told her about my desire to find the DJ, and hoping to give my eyes some time to adjust while we bullshitted. That didn’t happen.

I then walk up to another friend I recognize who is talking to her friend. I can only recognize her because of her hair (it’s curly). I literally walk up to them and sing “Blinded by the Light” by Manfred Mann and THE DJ I AM LOOKING FOR asks if I am singing the original by Springstein or by Mann. I can barely see who is saying this and mumble some shit then tell my friend I am gonna go fangirl out on this DJ and walk in the complete opposite direction to some random stranger (leaving her confused unbeknownst to me).

I walk up to “Jimmy” the graph artist and take his hand, shake it with BOTH my hands and proceed to state “Hi, I’m the DJ that just opened for you and I just want you to know that I am a really big fan but I have this really weird question I have to ask you,” (verbatim) and I proceed to talk about this mix I need a copy of until this gentleman kindly stops me in my tracks and tells me he’s “Jimmy” and walks me back over to my curly haired girlfriend and her friend.

I am an idiot. This is everything I have always worried about for years. I know it’s not the end of the world to walk up to random strangers and talk to them. But, I had avoided it for years by just acting stupid and wandering around until I finally want and need to talk to someone I recognize. Not today.  I totally fucked it up. 5bfWe had a good laugh and I talked to DJ Odi and he knew exactly what mix it was talking about. BTW he does NOT have a master bc it was on cassette and originally it was “for my homie going to Northwestern for his jeep on the way to school from Ohio”. Apparently a girlfriend copied the tape, make copies and it ended up as a poor quality mp3 online on the mid 90’s.

20 years later that mix is still one of my favorites and I am so glad to have such a crazy story to now go along with it.

And now you know, if I don’t say Hi to you, it’s not bc I’m some bitch, it’s bc I can’t fucking see.

JC Penney Doesn’t Give a Fuck About You

Nor do do most retailers. If you haven’t guessed it already, I scour the internet for odd stories and happenings and came across an(other) issue that truly disgusts me. The bottom line. Yes, lots of shit pisses me off. It’s because no one does the right thing! Why is it that is seems everyone just can’t be helpful and cognizant of their own brothers and sisters. I admit, I’m not always nice, but the truth is, I consider myself a huge humanitarian….it’s just people piss me off and I then curse them under my breath. I’m very conflicted.

So WTF am I bitching about. I came across this post on FB from JC Penney.

How could I NOT go in to see what kinds of comments people would make. Human nature fascinates me. As does obesity. I swear I was not going to troll or talk shit. I just wanted to see what people were saying. And it seemed pretty safe. Either JCP was administering the site properly and deleting trollish comments or (I just don’t believe this one) people really weren’t coming in to chime in with fat jokes. It was kind of nice for once. I even noticed JCP was answering each comment. I thought “Wow! That’s pretty cool”.

And then I got to this post by a customer.

JCP response:

Screenshot_2017-04-10-10-40-42

FB_IMG_1490399411448

You fucking assholes! This poor girl just posted online how her life basically sucks and that the JCP even contributed to that by laying her off and they offer her deals to buy more crap.

5bf

If this isn’t irony. I realized the girl is very gracious and seems to not hold a grudge against the company. But I sure as fuck do. I’m not even sure why I do care, I guess because it’s such an asshole move. I see it all too often.

17883662_10212854174018853_1062128734299602797_n

So, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with this world. Are robots answering these questions or do people give so little shits about each other that they can’t step back for a moment and say, I see someone who needs help, let’s see what I can do.

Let’s change this.

Now I’m Not Trying To Be Rude

 

Now, I’m not trying to be rude but….Have you seen the products marketed to women lately? I’ve come across some interesting products and thought I’d share them with you.

Apparently, fake camel toe underwear is a trend. You can look yourself, I am choosing not to post camel toes on my page. (haha Remember when the Camel Toads story came out. you’re an old school message board user if you remember that story.) Anyway. It’s mostly some kind of Asian fetish. I don’t know about you, but the camel toe is the first thing I look for when putting on a pair of pants, legging, etc. cuz I’m trying to hide it, not show it off.fb_img_1490187963434.jpg

I guess you can call this the “Ladies Edition” of residual poo. I guess it stems from the ridiculousness of the current presidency. We have a room full of men dictating women’s rights,

…..and the president’s daughter acting as first lady even though she has 3x as many children as Melania, with one of them just turning one.

That’s right! While the the doting mother of Baron stays home in New York costing taxpayers a fortune, Trump’s daughter is leaving 3 small children to be cared for by a nanny, one an infant. What in the fuck is that? This is not a knock against working mothers, this is me calling out Melania’s bullshit excuse for staying home for the kid. He’s not a small child.

So we got this unpaid volunteer working in the whitehouse gaining access to anyone she wants to profit her family. Anyone who thinks this family has the interest of anyone but themselves in mind is not in their right mind. I’m surprised it has gotten this far. Because Ivanka is not collecting salary, she is getting around legal technicalities regarding nepotism. This is what happens when we have a poor education system and generations addicted to television.

Speaking of twats. Check this shit out! It’s a speaker that you put inside your vagina when you are pregnant so the baby can hear the music clearly. “By placing a speaker inside the vagina, we overcome the barrier formed by the abdominal wall and the baby can hear sounds with almost as much intensity and clarity as when emitted,” the site continues.

  1. This is positively disgusting and you are just asking for a bacterial infection.
  2. brick-tamland-anchorman-im-currently-laughing-out-loud.jpg
  3. It has been proven in many studies that developing fetuses need no stress or noise while in utero. Putting music up your hoo-ha could actually disrupt neural development. Think about it, you’re developing and you hear some fucking noise when you’re just trying to sleep and grow. Sounds annoying as fuck to me. Don’t be fooled by the nonsense of more neurons created during music. It’s just to sell you shit, like vagina speakers and fake FUPAs.

 

Leaving you on a positive note. I hope you take the time to appreciate this video, because we all want to be hip hop as fuck. Are you hip hop AF

Grab ‘Em By the Pocket!

Apparently another march is being organized entitled a “A Day Without Women”. Its premise is to skip work and show how important we are. I think this is a horrible idea as a mother of a child who was in the NICU, PLEASE DO NOT ABANDON YOUR POSTS! Do not punish everyone for a minority, that’s not what we’re about. Teachers! Doctors! Lawyers! Day Care! LIQUOR STORE OWNERS! We need you.

And assuming many women can’t afford to split from work for a day. It is too much to ask for in these judgemental times. Huff Post link to article regarding March.

What I think is hell of a great idea is a Day Without Women Spending  a GOD-DAMNED DIME!

Most women have all the power in their households. Sorry if that offends you. If you have been reading my blog then you have seen a trend of me stating over and over that all power is in the mighty dollar. (Ignore spiritual shit, that shit isn’t going to get us Equal rights and access to safe Healthcare.) We are the ones that spend the money, whether we work or not.

I’m sure there is a percentage of you that have SAHD and the moms go to work (I’d assume most of those families are libs anyway and would be for women’s rights anyway so you’re included in this power). But in general. Women do most of the spending. Don’t believe me?

Forbes agrees with me.  I highly encourage you to read this article and remind yourself of how powerful you really are. I’ll go over it quick for you:

  • “Women drive 70-80% of all consumer purchasing”
  • Multiplier effect – we not only purchase for ourselves but are usually purchasing for others.
  • Gender “is the most powerful determinant of how we see the world and everything in it”
  • Doesn’t matter who makes the money, what matters is who’s spending it. TAKE NOTE.
  • Women also make up a huge portion of the labor force.
  • Women are taking control of their reproductive rights, thus in turn, gives us power to spend money elsewhere.
  • Women around the world are more similar than different
  • Women tend to have higher service expectations with regard to customer service.

Everything is run by money. I constantly emphasize being a smart consumer, research your product. Research who you are purchasing from. Btw here is link to all Trump affiliated brands that I mentioned in a previous post.

No one is perfect and we can’t “boycott” everything. But by doing your research, buying smarter, money will be passed around to the right pots. Trends will be noted. Do you know what Analytics is? Ever wonder why when you go on Amazon and look for an item, you suddenly see ads for that item all over favorite sites? Companies invest a lot of their resources in studying what you want. So if you are smart about you want, you can drive the market.
Sounds complicated because it takes work. Happy fulfilled lives take effort. You will feel good about what you are doing, have better products, and change the world.

Remember, princess Melania could give two shits, she’s already wasting tons of taxpayer money on top of her stay in NY. She already refuses to do her job, but she’s not gonna get “fired”. As a result of Melania’s laziness and not-give-a-fuckedness, tours of the White House have been suspended.

I’m going to try to go back to being funny again. It’s been tough. Thank god for Melissa McCarthy and Spicer and SNL.

 

 

This Week in Memes

It’s been a tough week. Regardless of what side you’re on. So I’ve decided to do what I do best. Talk about my feelings. Through memes.

Watching the Inauguration was kind of boring. GW though, never fails to deliver.

Melania’s body language was hard to ignore. I’ve now started following this brilliant account. We have 4 years. I’m sure it can only get better. Feminist Melania’s Twitter

People are really pissed about that FB post bitch Cindy or Cathy or whomever she is (I call her #Becky….bc that is who she is, isn’t she) and how she’s proud not to march and how ungrateful the marchers are and what about Guatemala and the Congo, blah blah cackle cackle. To her I say: 

Shes doesn’t get it and I’m not going to bore you with why she sucks other than: women march and protest so she could have the freedom to bitch about it. I didn’t march, but still support the ladies that do. Putting them down in some treatise and being proud of it makes you look like this: 

I mean come on. 

So I laugh.

And stick to my convictions.

Know how I still feel.

And just take it one day at a time.

Trash Talking Trash

16115021_10154722882481638_5003990000739507631_n

So this is the famous image that has all the righties with their tighties in a bunch. Before I even looked it up I knew it was a statement left in front of Trump Towers and not just random shit everywhere. It even looks organized.

Snopes did a little research on it as well.

Even the National Park Service gave the marchers props.

Regardless, one might fairly argue that a form of protest involving the dumping of litter on the ground for others to clean up is an unseemly one. However, the National Park Service noted that, overall, the crowds at both events (i.e., the inauguration and the Women’s March) were “tidier” than those of previous years:

The cleanup continues on the National Mall following the inauguration and the Women’s March on Washington Saturday.

The National Park Service has been working to get the area back to its original condition, removing trash, taking down the fencing and pulling up the decking for the recent activities.

“We’ve had our maintenance team out there since last night when they already did a pass,” National Park Service spokeswoman Emily Linroth said Saturday. “Today, they are really going through with a fine tooth comb and picking up what’s left. They do this every July Fourth, so they are pros at it.”

This time around, officials say, visitors were tidier than prior years. Linroth says so far, the cleanup is going well.

“Fortunately, a lot of people, even though, the trash cans were full, have stacked the trash neatly as close to the trash cans as they could get them, so that is making our job easier,” Linroth said.

Unfortunately, THIS isn’t enough. *eyeroll*trash

I am so proud of everyone who participated in the Women’s March. I, personally, did not march (per my previous article), but as stated I 1000000000% support the protests and marches.

We are under a shit ton of scrutiny and putting your trash in the trash bin, around it, or near it isn’t enough. Which is why it is so important to pick up your trash. Everything. To my surprise (and then lack of) I found the complaint on a Facebook post of someone I went to highschool with. It then it turned into a highschool reunion of shit talking and complaints. I find no fault in finding trash disgusting, because it is. But what was funny was that most appalled bitches were the very girls in high school that were in cheerleading and teepeeing people’s houses.

 LOL No wonder I floated and didn’t really clique with them and smoked weed instead (and got straight A’s and a full scholarship so fuck off).

Please just keep track of ALL of it. Everything you fucking came with, bring it home with you. Candy wrappers, juice boxes, bring bags for your dirty diapers, take your signs home, all of it. Do NOT give these fucktards a reason to invalidate the hard work you are doing. It’s not fair. We know that other protests have left messes, got violent, looted. No matter what we do, it is not good enough. So CHIN UP. Prides up.

8121_147709809975_562309975_3493994_3149289_n

I’ve been to Burning Man a few times and the principle philosophy is leave shit as you found it. No MOOP. No Matter OUT OF PLACE. If you brought it, you take it back with you. LEAVE NO TRACE. I URGE YOU TO OPEN THIS LINK.

54f4211f9c201621b848d816c1727fb5

Shit, even if we have to put on our Sunday best to get respect, do it. But don’t fucking litter….and obviously, don’t break any laws and make us look out of control or like lunatics.

oufozzt

The most important thing to take away is, you don’t need to leave trash to make a statement. YOU MADE THE STATEMENT ALL OVER THE WORLD. Leaving dog shit on his lawn after showing him all day what a piece of shit he is all day just isn’t necessary.

I realize it’s gonna be hard. We can do this in a dignified way that will gave the haters nothing to say but….alternative facts.

Say it loud ladies. Say it right.